HANDLING PERFECTIONISM

PASSION AND PERFECTIONISM

I’m always on the look out for inspiration, whether I hear some tender vows on a film, or I see a version of a ritual in a TV series or in a magazine, or perhaps a colleague mentions something new and different and my ears prick up.

I get to see some amazing places and these days I can’t really go anywhere, indoors or outdoors, without viewing the place I’m in through the lens of whether it would make a good prospective wedding ceremony location. 

Top picture, Findlater Castle, Banffshire - very dramatic overlooking the sea - only for the most adventurous

Kincardine Kirk

Photo of Kincardine Kirk ruins, Kincardine O'Neil, Aberdeenshire - you could easily drive past this special wee place if you didn't know about it

This passion of mine comes at a price, as I take snaps on my phone and drive along writing and re-writing in my head what I might say about a place in relation to an elopement or wedding for two, or a larger group.

I want what I write to be the most inspiring imaginable, the most interesting possible, and the most informative conceivable.  In short, I want it to be perfect and have set myself a high standard to achieve. 

Recently it dawned on me that if I want to encourage my brides and grooms to have a healthy relationship with perfectionism, I must lead by example.  So today I’m having a go at writing a piece to publish, and rather than putting off just writing my thoughts in the moment because I feel I need to come up with something so clever that no-one has previously thought of it, and that takes time, I’m allowing myself to have a go and not worry about being 100% perfect, because perfectionism is great but there are two sides to this proverbial coin. 

There are the detrimental thoughts, “it will never be good enough or finished” or “no-one else can do it – I need to do it, to get it right”.  Attention to the very last little detail leads to greatness, and thoroughness, and excellence, and these are all applaudable traits.  But what happens when perfectionism goes beyond doing a great job, and moves into stress and anxiety causing OCD like habits and thoughts?  What happens when you’re in danger of becoming Bridezilla because you want the fairytale, the magic moments, and you want to be princess for the day?

How do you get to the other side of the coin which tells you “it’s good enough” and have the grace and ability to delegate, and not hold the other to unattainable standards? How do you communicate clearly with your suppliers so you know they know what you want, and then you let them get on with doing their job?

Like writing this blog.  Can I get to the point when I feel it’s enough to publish on the website?  Or will I keep re-writing it for weeks until I’ve exhausted myself, and gone around and around in circles until I make myself dizzy, and discover after all, that the procrastination that feels as if it’s in the direction of perfectionism hasn’t really improved the piece significantly? – it was good enough at the first draft.

When you plan a wedding, your ideas are bound to evolve along the way.  This has never been truer than this strange time we are living in amidst the Covid pandemic.  More and more disappointed brides and grooms are revisiting their initial ideas. Maybe they have let go of the idea of having 120 guests of family and friends, and have decided to elope, and then have a celebration with guests down the line when large groups are permissible again. 

Maybe the uncertainty we are currently living with has had you re-evaluate what’s important to you, and you realise the money you might have spent on a big white wedding would be better spent creating some stability for you as a deposit on a house?

We are all different and there is no right or wrong way, but there is a way that is right for you.

Lossiemouth Beach Caves

Caves entrance overlooking Lossiemouth Beach, Moray - have a lovely beach wedding, or cave wedding, or lighthouse wedding

ELOPING OR HAVING A WEDDING JUST FOR TWO

If you decide to go down the route of eloping and having a wedding for two, you should know that to be legally married you need to have two legal witnesses present and the only stipulation for them is that they need to be aged at least sixteen. We can help with this.

If you decide to marry in secret, you may want to consider having photos and a video so you can share your special day with friends.  Sometimes couples are surprised that even a tiny wedding needs much of the same consideration as a large gathering – in addition to having some kind of audio visual recording of your day you still need to think about where to stay, where to hold your ceremony, what you’d like to eat and drink, what to wear including the kind of rings you’d like to hear, whether to have flowers, a cake, special transport, live musicians, and where to honeymoon.

If you decide to go down the route of marrying just the two of you, and you would like someone to take care of a few little extra touches for you on the day in the absence of family and friends, or you would like some inspiration with where to have a ceremony, we would be delighted to offer you some advice, ideas and support.

The only thing we can’t pre-book is the weather, and we strongly advise that you don’t let the fickle Scottish weather spoil your lovely day.  If we do all we can to prepare, and plan that the day will be perfect for you because you are relaxed and not worried about anyone else, we will have done all we can.

Boath House Gardens and Pond, Nairn

Boath House Hotel gardens and pond - be like the couple in the photo, relaxing with a bottle of prosecco and a beer - lots of sweet spots for your wedding around the gardens

HOLDING THE VISION FOR YOUR BIG WHITE WEDDING

We don’t know when large groups can gather again, but it’s often the larger groups that can bring more stress in terms of making decisions – having a bigger group means considering further aspects of your day in addition to the previous list – things like favours, decorations, entertainment, guests’ childcare and parking, who will be your bridesmaids and groomsmen, and seating plans for your VIP guests at the ceremony as well as all guests for the reception. 

You may also have to deal with uninvited and unwanted advice when other people are involved.  But what an amazing memorable and wonderful occasion a well thought out big wedding is, right from the hair and make up ladies arriving early in the morning, to dancing the night away in the arms of your new spouse into the wee hours.

If it’s unthinkable to you that you could be married without your nearest and dearest present, we hope that your dreams can come true with the least anxiety and worry, and that you can let go of perfectionism and know that the most important thing is that you and your beloved have a bright and hopeful future together. 

Photo below, Logie House, Logie Steading, near Forres Moray - a wee summer house to protect an eloping couple from the rain!

 

Logie House Gardens